Not well? Can I just say that?
If you need more detail, emotions are hard for me. They’re usually either non-existent or very intense. So if a minor bad thing happens but I’m healthy and get to go home to a place that feels safe and pleasant with people I love, I’ll get over it fairly quickly. But if something happens that causes an intense spike of emotion, like really bad news or an injury or something happening to someone I care about or tension in my home or something that feels very unfair that isn’t resolved, that takes a toll. If it’s a day and things go back to feeling okay quickly, then I’ll bounce back with maybe a need for a bit more alone time or sleep. But if it’s an ongoing thing for days or weeks, it’ll start to wear down my energy dramatically which leads to all kinds of dysregulated responses – trouble sleeping, then trouble getting up, trouble focusing, emotional sensitivity, a hit to my self esteem, and just generally feeling like everything is wrong all the time and I can’t relax. Then I’ll get burnout and start being difficult to be around myself, but in a more noticeable way like snapping at people or being irritable. The kicker is that then I get called out for my behaviour being unacceptable, even if it’s a drawn out response to vibes from other people I’m sharing my time with. That leads to a lot of frustration and feeling of unfairness that makes it hard to make amends or just act like things are okay. I think a bunch of this is ADHD, some of it comes from my childhood combo of one explosive parent and one who was often quite distant (both for reasons, notably living with each other, but it still had an impact due to my heightened emotional sensitivity). But knowing where it comes from doesn’t make it any easier to manage.
Now that I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and am on multiple medications, I find it a little easier not to hold on to things. I can move on to another setting or activity and pull my mind away, as long as there’s no lingering drama with other people. It also helps hugely to have a home with a large garden that I can go and spend time in. Getting my hands in the dirt or planting something while listening to the buzzing of the bees and chirping of the birds is hugely beneficial. But I don’t know if that would be the case without the meds, and I suspect it’s more them than my own ability to deal with emotions better.
What about you guys? Anyone else struggle with feelings? Any other neurodivergent folks who find this difficult? Anyone else retreat to an outdoor space when things get too much?
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I’ve not “struggled with feelings” for many a year, but I did, in my teens and early twenties.
I most certainly have a problem with dwelling on things but try my best to change the scene.