This book has been getting a lot of attention since its publication last year. It’s been called the first great perimenopausal novel, and women have been picking it up looking for something that has been notably missing from the literary landscape – stories of what it means to get older in a female body, but not fading into crone-like obscurity. Stories that are real and acknowledge how it feels from the inside, not just society’s growing disinterest in them. This book is an insider look at a woman who turns her life upside down in a search not only for herself, but for a way to hold onto her desire and sexuality rather than just accepting a steady decline.
The main character is a semi-famous artist who has a husband, Harris, and a non-binary child named Sam. Her relationship with Harris isn’t bad, but as we get to know her, we see the distance between the two of them and the lack of intimacy in their daily lives. It seems like they both silently agreed to this because it worked for them, and in some ways she seems to appreciate the way that, because of the distance, small interactions often missed by other couples are imbued with extra meaning between them. And yet… she increasingly feels more and more dissatisfied. She’s unhappy with how little input she’s had into their home – a home that previously belonged to Harris that she moved into and hasn’t put her own stamp on. She yearns for something different, exciting, new. But she doesn’t want it enough to leave Harris and split up her family.
So she decides to take a trip. Her plan (despite Harris’s scepticism) is to drive from her home in LA to New York, where she used to live, to visit friends. It’ll be the longest she’s been away from Sam, and she’s nervous about the prospect, but she’s also excited by the idea of being able to do as she pleases and focus on what she needs. She plans it all out and makes her preparations. But almost as soon as she gets on the road, she takes a detour that ends up becoming the trip. She finds a small town that, for no reason at all, she decides to stay in overnight. But a pit stop turns into a longer trip when she meets a young man who ignites feelings she hasn’t experienced for a long time. On a whim she decides to use a sizeable pay cheque to renovate her hotel room (I know, WHAT?) to resemble a luxurious suite she stayed in in Paris. She hires a decorator, and together they undertake to find the perfect choices that will make this room a sensory delight.
I won’t go into details about what happens, partly because I don’t want to spoil it, but also because the what isn’t really the point of the book. Yes, things happen. Decisions are made. Uncomfortable things are experienced and shared (a lot of them) in waaaaaay more detail than I ever needed to read, if I’m being honest. But the real message of the book isn’t so much about the external, it’s more about what she experiences and how it impacts her. She is reaching for something that’s been missing from her life, something she needs and hasn’t been getting. And, as in life, she has to choose to risk what she has for something else – something different – or to accept less for herself to keep her life status quo. Which is the right choice? Which leads to a better outcome? It’s impossible to know, because we can’t ever walk more than one road. There are always paths we didn’t take that could have led somewhere better… or somewhere much worse. But we rarely know which path we are on.
I struggled with this book. Straight up, it made me uncomfortable. Which isn’t something that happens often. It wasn’t the overt sexuality that was difficult, it was the weird and sometimes gross details that were shared. But that wasn’t as hard as the fact that I really did not like the main character in this book. She was a really strange combination of being very cold emotionally in some parts of the book, but then also extremely over-emotional and raw in others. I found her decisions and reactions to things confusing and inconsistent, and it was really hard to understand why she did the things she did. Mostly, I just found spending time with her exhausting. Exhausting, and not very enjoyable. I think the thing that I found hardest was that she puts so much effort into pursuing a goal, has such huge emotions about relationships in her life, but doesn’t seem to bring that same intensity to the relationships that really matter – her kid and her partner. Even if her relationship isn’t working for her, it seems like she views it as something to be worked out on paper rather than requiring emotional engagement. It’s really hard to put into words, but the whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way.
And yet, it is the first book I’ve read that has this level of exploration of what it means to be perimenopausal in today’s world (apparently “perimenopausal” isn’t even a word, as my spell-checker insists that the only viable word related to it is postmenopausal). The ways in which we judge ourselves, mourn the loss of any beauty we possessed when we were younger, feel as if our value is depreciating, expect that our desires and needs dry up and fade into the background, and yet are completely uninformed as to what we should expect to experience during that journey. Getting older as a woman in our culture is supposed to be a purely downhill tumble. We aren’t supposed to still have dreams, still want to feel physically attractive, to be confused and make mistakes, to hurt people and be selfish at times. To choose ourselves, especially over family. That kind of pressure is a lot to bear, and like any form of pressure, it can have some unpredictable effects. I bet there are women whose emotions are erratic and come out in unexpected ways. I appreciated the risks July took in her portrayal of her character, and even how raw and unpleasant she allowed it to become in places. So because of that, the distaste and dislike I felt while reading almost made it more powerful – there’s no attempt to make herself fit into a palatable shape here. Through the book she becomes less and less the acceptable woman, and more and more something completely… else. And that, I appreciated. Even if I didn’t always like it very much.
So I’m left feeling like this is another of those books for which I have two different opinions. On the one hand, there’s my enjoyment of reading the book. It wasn’t absent, but it wasn’t one I loved the experience of spending time with. On that criteria, it would be maybe a 3/10 for me. However, as with several books I’ve read, there’s a different measure to be made here: the measure of its importance in highlighting a social issue that I feel doesn’t get enough representation in our literary landscape. In this case it’s a double one – what it means to be a mother and the expectations that are placed on mothers to be only that (and a perfect one). But there’s also the issue of what it is to be a woman “of a certain age” in western – particularly North American – society. How little we are considered by anyone. Our mental health, our needs and wants, our physical experiences and medical needs, our own ability to continue living full, interesting and vibrant lives well past our childbearing years – all of this is largely missing from public discourse. And exploring what this feels like from the inside – our fears, worries, physical symptoms of perimenopause/menopause, relationships, sexuality, creativity, life experience and ability to love and keep right on learning – is such a vital and important area to explore in writing. I want more of that. So on that scale, I’d rate it much higher, maybe an 8/10. So where does that leave me? I’ve split the difference and put it somewhere in the middle, but it’s worth considering these different ways of assessing the book.
I’d love to hear from any of you who have read this as well. Particularly (but not exclusively) women who are going through or have gone through this period of life in a female body and how it felt to read about that on the page. Did anyone else dislike the experience of reading this book but still find value in its existence? Anyone absolutely love it? Other thoughts? Please share!
An irreverently sexy, tender, hilarious, and surprising novel about a woman upending her life.
A semifamous artist announces her plan to drive cross-country, from LA to New York. Twenty minutes after leaving her husband and child at home, she spontaneously exits the freeway, beds down in a nondescript motel, and immerses herself in a temporary reinvention that turns out to be the start of an entirely different journey.
Miranda July’s second novel confirms the brilliance of her unique approach to fiction. With July’s wry voice, perfect comic timing, unabashed curiosity about human intimacy, and palpable delight in pushing boundaries, All Fours tells the story of one woman’s quest for a new kind of freedom. Part absurd entertainment, part tender reinvention of the sexual, romantic, and domestic life of a forty-five-year-old female artist, All Fours transcends expectation while excavating our beliefs about life lived as a woman. Once again, July hijacks the familiar and turns it into something new and thrillingly, profoundly alive. – Goodreads
Book Title: All Fours
Author: Miranda July
Series: No
Edition: Audiobook
Published By: Riverhead Books
Released: May 14, 2024
Genre: Fiction, Character-Driven, Mid-Life Crisis, Perimenopause, Relationships, Parenthood
Pages: 336
Date Read: January 25-February 4, 2025
Rating: 5.5/10
Average Goodreads Rating: 3.55/5 (113,031 ratings)